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Answering Machine Messages

July 7, 2006

A little something to crack you up.

1. My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll
leave your
name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.

2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why
we’re not
here, so leave a message.

3. Speak.

4. Hi, Now you say something.

5. Hi, I’m not at home right now, but my answering machine is, so
you can
talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

6. Hello. I’m David’s answering machine. What are you?

7. (From Japanese friend) He-lo! This is Santo. If you leave
message, I
call you soon. If you leave “sexy message,” I call you sooner!

8. Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his
refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with
one of
these magnets.

9. Hello, You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages.
My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their
carpets are
clean. They give charity through their office and do not need their
pictures taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number
and
they will get back to you.

10. This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic
thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name,
your
reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I’ll
think about
returning your call.

11. Hi. I am probably home. I’m avoiding someone I don’t like.
Leave me a
message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.

12. Hi, this is George. I’m sorry I can’t answer the phone right
now.
Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

13. If you are a burglar, then we’re at home cleaning our weapons
right now
and can’t answer the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren’t home and
it is
safe to leave us a message.

14. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain
silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

15. Hello, you’ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can’t pick up the phone
right
now, because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes
doing it up
and down, and I like doing it left to right, real slowly. So leave a
message, and when we’re done

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